But this time around, something incredible happened. And I didn’t even realise how profound it was until I went to bed that night. I was… fine. More than fine. And that’s what I mean, acceptance just sneaks up on you, and you don’t even realise how far you’ve come and how much a situation that used to have so much power over you, no longer controls you.
Refined over the last few months, and constantly evolving as my needs change, my ritual keeps me grounded, accountable, calm and ultimately empowered to live the life I want to live, not the life anxiety tells me I should lead.
Three months into my chemotherapy regime, whatever relationship we had left was dissolved without repair when he left me on my knees, bald and crippled with side effects, holding a 3 month old baby while a slightly older one screamed from her high chair. I was begging him to stay - to help – but he stepped past me and straight through the door.